The Youniverse

My recent fascination with the National Geographic, Discovery and History channels began because I was hungry for more than was human. I found myself learning incredible lessons from all of their scientific programs.

The universe is expanding faster and faster.
The sun is dying day-by-day.
The earth is slowing down its spin.
And the moon is drifting farther away.

They sound poetic enough, but they are all mindblowing and often frightening facts. I keep waiting for one of the anonymous voiceover gods to sneak in the theory of everything just before a commercial break. One equation to solve it all.

But all they tell me about are dark things. Dark Matter, the framework for the very lights of the universe. And Dark Energy, the indomitable force pulling everything apart from everything else. When objects in space get closer together they get warmer. And guess what happens when they pull apart from each other? They get colder, of course. But my question is, will the universe ultimately die in fire or ice?

Every time I have ever looked for God, I have found myself. Or my family. Or my friends. Or the beauty all around me. But I have never felt a being. Once I was in San Francisco (that city out-haunted only by New Orleans) with my good friend Francia. We had a house all to ourselves and started smoking marijuana. It's not something I do often, but it had its place in our adventures that weekend. Well, after seemingly endless bouts of laughter and incomprehensible banter, we found ourselves in a silent moment. And in that moment, I had the most awful vision.

There is a God. But there is no us. There is only God. And He has been for all eternity, lonely. So lonely that He split Himself into twelve archetypes of people who multiplied and prospered and explored and lived as individuals. We are all a part of His, one desperate delusion.

Of course, I was immediately and terribly frightened by all this and told Francia so. We mulled it over, but ultimately found the idea entirely unpalatable and left to go watch the 4th of July fireworks by the bridge. Because it didn't matter if it could be true or not. What mattered is that we didn't want to know. If we are all fools, then let us be fooled.

After that, we were free for other realizations. And I'll end this posting with an excerpt from my journal on that weekend. Cause you see, what matters is us. We are the Light Matter. And it's up to us to come closer and closer together. To get warmer.
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July 6, 2003

"It's been only us for the past few days. We've been purging ourselves of the lovers in our lives and filling up the empty spaces with good food, wine, beer, weed, company, and all the beauty of an uncharted city. We feel independent and free and strong - so ready to take on anything or be swept up anywhere. So I'll go back with a clearer vision and a lightened heart...ah, but the fireworks are breathtaking!"
The Pillars of Creation